The house is haunted and I have done nothing but eat CRAP all day. Okay, one thing at a time. The house is haunted. Either that or there is a hermit living in the attic that tries to be polite but consistently puts the toilet paper roll in the jack-and-jill bathroom on the toilet paper holder BACKWARDS. It must be an Aggie hermit. Everybody knows the toilet paper roll is put on the holder OVER and not UNDER. I very seldom go back into this bathroom, and we certainly are not entertaining house guests regularly, but TWICE in recent weeks I have had to turn the toilet paper in this bathroom around. You know, OVER. Now it is documented for all time, and we will ee when the apparition next show his or herself. I am ready. AND, I have eaten nothing but crap all day today, not counting the egg loaf I made this morning, which also included some crap, if you consider half of a week old blueberry muffin broken up into the scrambled eggs crap. I don't really, but if I said I ate nothing but crap for two-thirds of the day, it would not have the same panache.Kelly McGraw, 37, or Portsmouth, England, and her husband, James, 40, have enjoyed playing pranks on each other throughout their 24-year marriage. NOTE: That was 7 commas in one sentence. But before Christmas, as James was plotting a way to get back at Kelly for a "dodgy" haircut she had given him, he came up with a gloriously permanent idea: He had his thigh tattooed with a less-than-flattering photo of Kelly, asleep of a plane with her mouth gaping open, as James mocked her behind her head. "I'm one up at the moment," James told the sun, "but I'm also scared because I don't know what she's planning now." Kelly was unforgiving: "I was horrified. I couldn't believ
e it. We do mess about anyway, but this is on another level. He needs to watch his back." This was really boring...
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